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Today Kenny Powers Quotes ideas
“I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising.”
“That’s a toy that I made for [Toby]. It’s a fake T. rex with a dildo crammed up its asshole. It’s one of Toby’s favorites. When you turn it on… it moves. Dildo- Saurus Rex, heh.”
“See, in life, when you have talent all the other s**t doesn’t matter. If we were on an island with no weights and no running drills, who would be on top then? The guy with the talent.”
“Sounds like Fifty Shades of Gross to me, motherfucker.”
“Do I have all the attentions of everyone? Attentions, please. For those of y’all who do not know who I am, my name is Kenny Powers. And as fucked-up and weird as it may seem, I used to be a teacher here. But now I return to you. A victor, a champion, a man who has defeated the face of Mexican baseball…not to…get back my old job…fuck that noise.”
“Does the Pope blow little kids?”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to ruin a sale, huh? Guess you guys got to make those commissions to be able to buy all the goddamn…the FUBU, and the Oshkosh B’gosh, and the shit the baby’s gonna be wearing. Hey, potential home buyers. Hope you’ll know there were lotta rapes that happened in this house.”
“this dude played this role so fucking perfect”, “Most underrated show of all time.”, “I’ve watched this series for the last two days now and I can’t stop swearing and shouting. “
“I learned a lot down in Mexico. I learned that sometimes to be the man, you gotta beat the man. I learned the grass is not always greener. I learned that adversity’s sweet milk. That’s philosophy, April.”
“Can’t help but notice how much they stick together, too. I mean, when you see Mexicans in the States you think, ‘oh, there’s a group of Mexicans, doin’ Mexican things together’, but here you see that it’s not just because they talk the same language, and are all Catholic. Family means a lot to these people. Relationships, husbands, wives, parents, all that shit.”
“Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I’m not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.”
“But to capture the heart of one of your teachers, and take her away from you forever. So at this time, I would like the beautiful, the forgiving, the talented, big-chested art teacher, to please step forward.”
“A lot of people ask me, ‘Kenny Powers, you’re a giant star. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?’ And the answer is yes, I have. And it’s actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.”
“Chapter One continued. More of what I was just saying…Never in a million years would I imagine myself being in Mexico. After all, who would? Most Mexicans spend the bulk of their day just trying to get out, so you can hardly blame foreigners like myself for not thinkin’ about gettin’ in.”
“Oddly enough, the people here aren’t that different from the ones back home, when you get past the lack of interest in real sports, and the need to have yellow rice at every fuckin’ meal.”
“People say Kenny Powers is a woman-hater. That’s not true. I love women. Every king one of them, even the ugly as stones. But don’t ask me to trust ’em. Not even nuns, because every pair of t**s comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can’t fill.”
“A goddamn Mexican standoff in fuckin’ Mexico. I was hoping to get into one of these before I left.”
“Too hot for hugs here, man. I’ve been battlin’ a war with swamp ass since I got down here.”
“Before I go, I don’t want to leave you empty-handed, I’m going to be signing a personalized headshot for each and every one of you. The only thing I would ask is that you would have your name prepared because I don’t want to have to ask the same question thirty f**king times.”
“Reminds me of why I’m here in the first place. A quest is nothin’ if you got no one to brag about it too, will never reach the end if you’re only doing it for yourself. Me, I’m doing it for a girl I had to leave behind, just to get this far. Now I gotta go a little further to get back to her. All I can do is hope that one day she’ll understand, and when that day comes, it’s not too late.”
Kenny Powers Motivational Quotes
“That sweet tailpipe of yours did have me charmed. It put a spell on me, but all the ass magic in Mexico can’t change Kenny Powers from his core beliefs. I’m not an ass man. I’m a tit man. I like big ass boobs—now, and forever. I’m not like a black guy, Vida.”
“Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I’m the man who has the ball; I’m the man who can throw it faster than f**k. So, that is why I’m better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.”
“I brought you guys up from less than fuckin’ nothin’, and took you up to a championship level, only to abandon you there…leave you high and dry, naked and nude, prey, easy targets for the competitions, to rape and buttfuck you. I’m sorry for that.”
“Whenever I look at a Mexican I will think of you. Whenever you look at that jackass you think of me, OK?”
“The humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it– making s**tloads of money, having expensive, luxurious things. That way, in case one day you’re not famous, you can still be rich as hell and better than everyone around you.”
“Purity—it’s what we all desire, and it is what I’ve come here to share with you. Hence all whites.”
“Let’s face it, guys, after midnight, this whole fucking place turns into a pumpkin, and you guys all turn back into mice. This is a classic Cinderella tale here. You know, Peter Pan will no longer be a man, he’ll turn into a real boy. George Washington will never be able to cut down the beanstalk. You guys will eventually just go back to being the shittiest Mexican baseball team in Mexico.”
“Don’t get all excited, dude. 3D is gay. Nobody wants to sit on a couch, wearing glasses, popping bubbles out of the air like some sorta f**ked up Ray Charles. Oh, you like 3D? Well here’s a burrito, coming right at ya!”
“The good thing about getting over depression is…well…you can start to see your enemies more clearly. Suddenly, everyone isn’t an obstacle, just some people are…And it might be someone that you find is in your bloodline, distant and as brown as their skin can be, they still are part of you.”
“Truth be told, things aren’t going as good for me as I led on to believe. The love of my life married some other dude, and my new girlfriend fed her pussy to the owner of the baseball team I just quit. I stole homeboy’s car, and now I’m probably a wanted fugitive.”
Kenny Powers Inspirational Quotes
“I recognize your scent. Do you recognize my essence? Yeah? Yeah, that feels familiar? I think I’m going to need to change my pants. I’m just playing, I didn’t come in my pants.”
“We can do some fucking great things tonight, you guys. Follow me. Walk with me out onto that field. And when you do, you will fucking put your ass out, and you raise your fucking head up. Know that you’ll never, ever…ever reach the heights that you’re gonna reach tonight. But you can leave here knowing that you helped Kenny Powers’ dreams come true…For a bunch of Mexican baseball players, that ain’t too bad.”
“Chapter 17. Done, and fuckin’ done. Just like that, the journey is over…depression is finished, and you’re on your way back to the world of the living, smiling, regular people…The road has been paved with dickheads, backstabbers, and pains in the fuckin’ ass…but memories were made, allies were had, pole smokers were toppled, and the truth was discovered.”
“Ask anybody out there, and they’ll tell you that the foundation of a great baseball player starts with an understanding of some basic fundamentals: running, stretching, physical conditioning. These are the things that prepare your body for the many challenges a baseball player faces.”
“I can’t believe I opened up my heart up to that bitch. Opened it wide up. And she just squatted with that big beautiful booty and dumped all over it.”
“I paid cash for the motherfucker. Bought it with an advance that I was paid for this, uh… self-help novel I’m about to have published onto Oprah’s book clubs…Pretty much saved all my pennies from my major league days. Invested a lot of it very wisely in stocks, bonds, famous works of arts.”
“I’m sick and tired of carrying all the weight… the coaches and owners not giving me the sht I need to win. Atlanta, you’re fuking out. Kenny Powers is now a free agent. Let’s find a bar and get sh*t-faced.”
“Why would you do this to me? Here this whole time I thought you were the whore with a heart of gold. Instead, you’re just a whore with a real whore’s heart.”
“Yeah, I’ve actually had multiple orgasms on jet skis. Maybe it’s something in our blood that we can just ya know, get hard from riding fuckin’ badass ya know, terrain vehicles…water crafts…”
“Kenny Powers is a man. Kenny Powers is an athlete. Kenny Powers is a lover. But the most he is, I mean, the thing that Kenny Powers is the most, is a goddamn champion.”
Eastbound and Down Quotes
“Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a shit?”
“I got two hard rules I live by, pop: I don’t fuck with the Devil, and I never do tag teams with blood relatives.”
“How does any genius figure out his inventions? I mean, how did Leonardo DiCaprio figure out about gravity? ‘Cause the bitch was sleepin’ underneath a tree and an apple hit him on his head”
“Is that my thong? Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no-no!”
“If I had to choose, I mean historically, I’ve always considered myself to be a tit man.”
“Toby, what do you want from me? I’ve been super cool to you. I’ve given you a bowl of Chex Mix and some water. Why are you making curses upon me? If I give you a toy, will that erase the curse?”
“If you’ve got something you want to say, then just say it. You can save us a lot of time with this fuckin’ pointless history lesson in this goddamn creepy, unimpressive, fuckin’ hall. I don’t like it in here. It’s gross.”
“Yeah Stevie, I’m pretty sure the guy I’m looking for didn’t direct the fucking Blair Witch Project. Just forget you ever heard the name, Eduardo Sanchez. Forget that he supposedly lives in a village near here. Forget that he is not Mexican, but a gringo.”
“A man fights and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pssies. And my ass ain’t no pssy. My ass is a f*cking champion.”
“Once again I’m with the hottest chick in town, buyin’ the most expensive fashions, dinin’ in the fanciest food places, riding around on goddamn jet skis. Rainin’ trim. Hallucinogens. Jet skis again. Throwin’ heat. And getting laid.”
Best Kenny Powers Quotes
“Gross! You’re crop-dusting my whole entire bedroom with your pubes right now. Don’t be sorry, dude. Just cover up that marble sack.”
“How does any genius figure out his inventions? I mean, how did Leonardo DiCaprio figure out about gravity? ‘Cause, the bitch was sleepin’ underneath a tree and an apple hit him on his head.”
“I’m wearing all black. Outlaws wear black. Fags and cocaine dealers wear white.”
“Kenny Powers might have lost his sheen on the baseball field but he embraced the subsequent changes and challenges life threw at him. These changes taught him to be a more mature and patient human being who is ready to learn from life’s experiences.”
“There’s gonna be an ass-ton of crabs, lobsters, wine, Bartles & Jaymes, corn on the cob, fuckin’ booger sugar.”
“The experiences taught him to be a better person who is loved by all. He kept throwing tantrums at times, but through his journey, the audience caught a glimpse of a totally different side of the fictional character.”
“But to capture the heart of one of your teachers, and take her away from you forever. So at this time I would like the beautiful, the forgiving, the talented, big-chested art teacher, to please step forward.”
“There’s no better feeling than winning, dealing your opponent the deathblow, then standing over his lifeless body as the world around you leaps to their feet, falling all over each other to get a taste of your hero’s jism. The immature man revels in such adulations. The mature man, however, celebrates not, because he knows that every victory is just a precursor to another fucked-up test.”
“Why give 100% when 35% will get you paid and laid.”
“Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is I’m not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and all the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.”
“Listen here you beautiful bitch, I’m about to f**k you up with some truth.”
“It wasn’t easy. There’s a video on YT of the outtakes from that scene. It took many takes.”
“Obviously Kenny Powers was hilarious. But I don’t think any character made me laugh harder than Stevie”
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