165 Best Quips and Quotes and Sayings

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Short Quips and Quotes ideas

“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.”

@Kurt Vonnegut

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“We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glowworm”

@Winston Churchill

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“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not.”

@Blaise Pascal

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“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”

@W. C. Fields

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“Look on the bright side,” said Simon, “If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I’m not sure the rest of you qualify anyway.”

@Cassandra Clare

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“California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange”

@Fred Allen

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“When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.”

@Kurt Vonnegut

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“Better to light a candle than curse the darkness”

@Chinese Proverb

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“Look, I asked you here for a reason. Much as I hate to admit it, vampire, we have something in common.” “Totally awesome hair?” Simon suggested.”

@Cassandra Clare

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“France is a country where the money falls apart but you can’t tear the toilet paper”

@Billy Wilder

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“I’m glad you think this is funny.” “You’re not happy to see me, then?” Jace asked. “I have to say, I’m surprised. I’ve always been told my presence brightened up any room. One might think that went doubly for dank underground cells.”

@Cassandra Clare

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“Ireland – One race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever”

@Sigmund Freud

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“But you’ve never drunk fresh blood. Have you?” Simon raised his eyebrows in response. “Well, aside from mine, of course,” Jace said. “And I’m sure my blood is fan-tastic.”

@Cassandra Clare

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“You can’t be truly rude until you understand good manners”

@Rita Mae Brown

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“I’m not sure you’re quite sensible of the honor I’m doing you,” Jace said. “you’ll be the first mundane who has ever been inside the Institute.””Probably the smell keeps the rest of them away.”

@Cassandra Clare

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“The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing”

@Marcus Aurelius

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“What’s your angle?” I asked, trying to sound more playful than demanding. “Isosceles,” Jack quipped.”

@Amanda Hocking

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golf quips and quotes images

“People living deeply have no fear of death”

@Anais Nin

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“I’m smiled out, talked out, quipped out, socialized so far from any being, I need the weight of mortal silences to get realized back into myself.”

@John Ciardi

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“Only a few things are really important”

@Marie Dressler

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Best Short Quotes of All Time

“No,” said Hermione shortly. “Have either of you seen my copy of Numerology and Gramatica?” “Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for a bit of bedtime reading,” said Ron, but very quietly.”

@J.K. Rowling

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“Cowards have dreams, brave men have visions”

@Chinese Proverb

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“A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a quip and worried to death by a frown on the right man’s brow.”

@Ovid

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“Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued”

@Socrates

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“As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone.”

@Brian Celio

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“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious”

@Brendan Gill

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“Doctors most commonly get mixed up between absence of evidence and evidence of abense”

@Nassim Nicholas Taleb

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“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself”

@Harvey Fierstein

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“I don’t have the body for this,” I quipped, lifting my chin to a voluptous woman nearby who shook her hips zealously to the beat. “No curves.” Jev’s eyes held mine. “Are you asking my opinion?”

@Becca Fitzpatrick

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“My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can”

@Cary Grant

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“So that’s how you charm the cobra,” I quip. He smiles devilishly. “If you really want to see what effect you have on my snake, I’d be happy to show you.”

@M. Leighton

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“Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets”

@Arthur Miller

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“T.V. has brought murder back into the home where it belongs.”

@Alfred Hitchcock

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“You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind”

@Irish Proverb

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“Once is never. Twice is always.”

@James S.A. Corey

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“May you live every day of your life”

@Jonathan Swift

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“Answer me this, did you hesitate at all or did you see the giant, go ‘Wheee!’ and run toward it?”
“She ran toward it,” Juke quipped. “He was biting people in half.” “I rest my case,” Curran said. “A note wouldn’t have made any difference.”

@Ilona Andrews

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“He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it”

@Joseph Heller

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“God help me if I ever injure my back,” Clayton quipped. “God help you if you ever turn it,” Whitney snapped, “for there’ll surely be some heartbroken papa or cuckolded husband ready with a knife–if I don’t murder you first.”

@Judith McNaught

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“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid”

@Hedy Lamarr

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Quips and Quotes Harlingen

“tomorrow’s gone-we’ll have tonight!”

@Dorothy Parker

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“Everything has been figured out, except how to live”

@Jean-Paul Sartre

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“Everything good in there, T? Niko quipped. You need backup or anything? Bag of marshmallows to roast over that little campfire you just started?”

@Lara Adrian

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“Every man dies. Not every man really lives”

@William Wallace

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“You were just thinking dirty thoughts.” “Was not,” I quip. “Fallon, we’ve been dating for two hours now. I can read you like a book,and right now I do believe that book is full of erotica.”

@Colleen Hoover

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“If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor”

@Jennifer Jones

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“It is a heretic that makes the fire, Not she which burns isn’t.”

@William Shakespeare

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“I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor”

@Edward Albee

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“The prospect of his future life stretched before him like a sentence; not a prison sentence but a long-winded sentence with a lot of unnecessary subordinate clauses, as he was soon in the habit of quipping during Happy Hour pickup time at the local campus bars and pubs. He couldn’t say he was looking forward to it, this rest-of-his-life.”

@Margaret Atwood

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“Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully”

@Max Eastman

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“One of these days, Prince, you will meet your own fate.” “And I’ll do so quite spectacularly,” he quipped back. “Looking damn good while I do it, too.”

@Jennifer L. Armentrout

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“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on”

@Henry Ellis

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“Because I am about to be devoured by poodles,” I quip. “Remember me always, my love.”

@Holly Black

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“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better”

@Ralph Waldo Emerson

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“By the blasé flatness of Tegan’s expression, as he approached, he might as well have just come back from taking a piss. “Everything good in there, T?” Niko quipped. “You need back up or anything? Bag of marshmallows to roast over that little campfire you just started?” “It’s handled.” “No shit”

@Lara Adrian

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“Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others”

@Kin Hubbard

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“I will confess to you that, you know, one of the statements that’s been attributed to me that I’m sort of proud of is somebody said, you know, “What do we do about Osama bin Laden?” And they asked me, “Can we forgive him?” And I said, “Forgiveness is up to God. I just hope we hurry up the meeting.” And that’s the way I feel about him, really. [8 February 2003 show of Meet The Press, NBC News]”

@Norman Schwarzkopf

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“You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet”

@Alan King

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“We were best friends.” pausing, he finally looked over at Ainsley. “But I think I’ve been replaced.”
“ you have,” she quipped. “ it’s a good thing I like to share.” He chuckled. “ I guess so.”

@Jennifer L. Armentrout

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“Where there’s marriage without love, there will be love without marriage”

@Benjamin Franklin

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Quips and Quotes Post Office Hours

“Time goes too quickly. This is the advice that my mother should have given me from her hospital bed. Instead of vague, unknowable quips like “Be careful what you wish for,” she should have told me time slides away on a hillside of loose shale and takes everything in its path – dreams, opportunities, hopes. And youth. It takes that fastest of all.”

@Kristin Hannah

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“When a marriage works, nothing on earth can take its place”

@Helen Gahagan

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“I’m heavily medicated yet happily manic, I’ve been stuck on hypo mania for years.”

@Stanley Victor Paskavich

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“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her”

@Sacha Guitry

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“Why couldn’t she pick a nice, dark, quiet, deserted spot to do her evil machinations in?” “Because she’s an arrogant bitch and her main goal in life is to frustrate you before she kills you,” Finn quipped.”

@Jennifer Estep

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“When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one”

@Helen Rowland

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“The New York Times editorial page is like a Ouija board that has only three answers, no matter what the question. The answers are higher taxes, more restrictions on political speech, and stricter gun control.”

@Ann Coulter

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“The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle”

@Heinrich Heine

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“George leaned to the right so that he could see her from behind his brother. “Shall I strangle him or will you?” She rewarded him with a devious smile. “Oh, it must be a joint endeavor, don’t you think?” “So that you may share the blame?” Andrew quipped. “So that we may share the joy,” Billie corrected. “You wound me.” “Happily, I assure you.”

@Julia Quinn

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“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret”

@Henny Youngman

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“Thad: “But this is a boy, and you need to think of your reputation if you’re spending time alone with him—” Ari: ”Learning how to put a man’s eye out or take him down at the knees. Very romantic stuff, Thad. Very romantic. Oh, and we also hid a body together, so we’re practically engaged.”

@C.J. Redwine

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“The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public”

@George Jessel

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“Ronald Reagan once quipped, “I’ve noticed all those in favor of abortion are already born.” Indeed, all pro-abortionists would become pro-life immediately if they found themselves back in the womb.”

@Norman L. Geisler

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“The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character”

@Peter De Vries

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“On a wing and a prayer.” (After being asked how the angels make love in Milton’s Paradise Lost).”

@Benjamin R. Smith

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“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less”

@Brendan Behan

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“Advertising is to a genuine article what manure is to land, – it largely increases the product.”

@P. T. Barnum

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“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then”

@Katharine Hepburn

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“We’ll loot the bodies and be on our way.” “The words that start every great adventure,” Gabrielle quipped sarcastically. She might have been surprised to discover how accurate that statement truly was.”

@Drew Hayes

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“One of the most important things to learn is when to quit while you’re ahead”

@Witty saying

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Quips and Quotes Post Office

“Either way, you wrote the book and now you’re complaining about the reviews I’m giving it,” I quipped. “Fair enough.” He held up his hands, “I’m going to start writing the sequel which will be considerably less narcissistic. Will you read it?” “Only if every other girl on campus hasn’t.”

@Tarryn Fisher

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“Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman”

@Joseph Joubert

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“It’s about time you guys got here,’ Oliver quipped. ‘Alexei and I were starting to think you’d gotten lost.’ Daphne sniffed. ‘Please. We weren’t lost. We were shopping.’ ‘That doesn’t make it any better,’ Oliver retorted. In fact, I’d say that makes it worse.”

@Jennifer Estep Killer Frost

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“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment”

@Buddha

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“…I am not, however, militant in my atheism. The great English theoretical physicist Paul Dirac is a militant atheist. I suppose he is interested in arguing about the existence of God. I am not. It was once quipped that there is no God and Dirac is his prophet.”

@Linus Pauling

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“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again”

@Judith Viorst

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“The price of admission to a relationship with an extreme narcissist is self-annihilation. One of my clients quipped: “Narcissists don’t have relationships; they take prisoners.”

@Pete Walker

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“No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married”

@Benjamin Disraeli

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“The princess snorted. “If you haven’t figured out by now that I don’t care what you think of me, let this be the lesson that sticks.”

@C.J. Redwine

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“Never get married in the morning – you never know who you might meet that night”

@Paul Hornung

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“There is a dead space between most people and those afflicted with Mental Illness and it’s called Understanding”

@Stanley Victor Paskavich

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“Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you”

@Jean Rostand

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“Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.”

@Alan J. Perlis

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“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher”

@Socrates

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“It must be an odd person indeed that can say for certain they are normal.”

@Initially NO

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“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry”

@Rita Rudner

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“Well, I can hardly lick champagne off your dazzling personality, now can I?”

@Mora Early

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“Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier”

@H. L. Mencken

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“Yeah, sure. You know I can’t stand the sight of blood, right?” “Said no one ever while dating a vampire,” he quipped “Very clever. Ten points to Gryffindor.”

@Kristi Cook

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“If you can’t find someone who loves you for the best and the worst of you, don’t waste your time”

@Gilliana De Angelis

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“In the absence of a formally agreed, worldwide dictionary definition of ‘Quotography’ (in 2016), here are my two cents worth: ‘Quotography is the art of pairing unique quotations with complementary images in order to express thought-provoking ideas, challenging concepts, profound sentiments.”

@Alex Morritt

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“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl”

@Stephen Leacock

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“We’re not in shock,” I told her, even as I clutched the material tighter around my neck. “Well, you all look awful,” she said. “Hell does wreak havoc on the skin,” Archer quipped, but I could tell his heart wasn’t in it. Under the table, I put my hand on his knee, and he covered my fingers with his own.”

@Rachel Hawkins

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“It isn’t tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it’s separating himself from all the others”

@Helen Rowland

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“Important work,” Jeri quipped, “often loses the spotlight to self-important people.”

@Neal Shusterman

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“It destroys one’s nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being”

@Benjamin Disraeli

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“No slavery is more disgraceful,” he quipped, “than one which is self-imposed.”

@Ryan Holiday

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“In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar – a practice which is still continued”

@Helen Rowland

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“The oft-repeated quip, “I’m sorry to write you a long letter, as I did not have time to write a short one,” could be applied to meetings: “I’m sorry to imprison you in this long meeting, as I did not have time to prepare a short one.”

@Peter F. Drucker

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“I’ve been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out”

@Lee Grant

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“As the quip attributed to Einstein goes, “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That is relativity.”

@Hector Garcia Puigcerver

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“I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all”

@Lord Byron

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“Yet,” Miller quips. “And Grandma didn’t skip town. She died of a heart attack.” “Either way, she left me.”

@Colleen Hoover

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“If you think wining woman are bad try put up with a wining man for a day”

@Gilliana De Angelis

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“I once heard Don DeLillo quip that a fiction writer starts with meaning and then manufactures events to represent it; a memoirist starts with events, then derives meaning from them.”

@Mary Karr

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